Family

My son is four and half months old.  Much like his sister, he has a terrific personality and is treasured by Ema and myself.  I’ve been thinking of a few things that I want Finn to grow to understand over his life and I made a list.  This isn’t an exhaustive list and it will undoubtedly get updated over time.  But, it’s a start.  So, without further ado, here’s what I hope Finn grows up understanding about life, his family, and God:

• Love well. Even when times get tough and love isn’t easy, choose to love.  Though your ideas and opinions will grow in complexity as you age and experience more life, keep in mind the simplicity of loving God and loving others.  If your life isn’t leading you to love well, do some serious engaging of your habits, practices, and intentions.  You’re a good boy.  I can tell already.  Love well and you’ll be loved well.
• Define your masculinity by compassion. As you will figure out, you were born into a family of strong men (your dad withstanding).  The Loucks’ are made up of generations of blue collar, construction working, strong-willed and opinionated men.  We often seek to define ourselves by our physical strength and physical merits.  In the end, son, that doesn’t matter.  The real men that I look up to aren’t the ones with veiny muscles who can bench a Buick or can hunt wolves with their bare hands, but those that love their spouses, seek justice, and care about what happens in this world enough to do something.  If, at the end of your life, you’ve loved your spouse and your children and your God well, and you’ve looked out for the poor, the widow, and the orphan, then you’ve lived the life of a good man.  Let that define your masculinity.
• Love your mother. There will be times that you won’t understand why your mom and I do what we do.  These times might lead you to be angry at us.  There is no doubt that your mother is going to be overprotective.  It’s who she is and it’s a very important part of why I love her so much.  Don’t get upset because she doesn’t want you do something that she feels will endanger you.  You and Nora are just too important to her to want to risk any harm.  Ever since she was a little girl she’s dreamed of being a mother and you and Nora exceed any of her expectations for good little boys and girls.  Until you get married, you won’t find a woman that will love you or care for you more than her.  Even after you get married, she’ll be giving your spouse a run for her money.  But, don’t ever harbor anger or ill-will at her, it will only break her heart.  She loves you too much.  Understand her and love her well.
• Ask questions. Don’t ever be afraid to ask, “why”.  Some of the most important times that I’ve had exploring truth, God, and the divine have been when I’ve asked, “why”.  Though I don’t have many of the answers I’ve asked questions about, I’ve been given a sense of contentment in the unknown.  Some people will try to get you to accept the status quo.  ”It is because it is,” they will say.  It is ok to not accept that and to seek out deeper meaning and to say, “It is because I’ve experienced and found.”  You were meant for great things and to discover is to ask.  In this life, ask yourself, “Is this right?”  If you’ve come to the conclusion based on what you believe to be true morally and spiritually that something is NOT right, then do something about it.  Don’t let injustice live without being a part of the solution.
• Read a lot of books and the newspaper. I don’t even know if the newspaper will exist by the time you enter adulthood but, regardless, read whatever form of news media you can.  Your dad isn’t overly political but I like to be well informed.  This is the world and culture and environment that God has given you to flourish.  Know it and live in it.  Because of the nature of what I do, I have the privilege of getting to read a lot of really fascinating books.  Just recently, I started picking up some of the classics.  Reading is important because it helps you to understand other stories while living within them yourself.  When you read Huckleberry Finn, pretend that you’re Huck while you read it and look through that lens.  Then, look through the lens of Jim.  You’ll be given a picture of two lives that will be unlike yours but ones that can be learned from and enjoyed.  Books, unlike any other media, let you live in them in great ways that I don’t think film and television will let you (though I enjoy those forms of media as well).
• Forgive your dad. I believe that I’ve been given a calling by God to lead an incredible community of Christ-following people in LaPorte.  It’s something that gives me so much joy and fulfillment.  But, at times, I can forget that you, your sister, and your mother are a more important calling.  There will be seasons that I work too much.  There will be seasons where, though I pledge to try and fight it, I will be grumpy, frustrated, and defeated.  Always know that the happiest moments of my day are those that I step in the doors of our home and greet the family that I love.  I won’t be perfect.  My dad wasn’t perfect and his dad wasn’t either.  At some point in your life you’ll have to come to that conclusion.  But, my hope in spite of the faults that will undoubtedly be uncovered, is that you’ll know that you don’t have a bigger fan in this life than your dad.  I love you, bud.

What about the rest of the parents that read this blog?  What advice would you give your children right now?